Trusting The Shepherd

This isn’t your average New Year’s Eve post… Sure, most people take stock of the year, what went well, or not so well, and turn them into resolutions for the next year…that they probably won’t even keep…

But sitting here tonight, I find myself desperately looking back over the year and wondering what God is trying to do in my life…

Because just last night, driving home with my sister after going to the movies, I told her how frustrated I feel with my whole leg situation…

It’s been 4 months…

4 months since I found out that my ankle is basically deteriorating…

4 months of waiting on God to heal me…

4 months of waiting for the doctors to tell me more than just “well, we don’t really know what to do”…

4 months of being told that I don’t have enough faith…

4 months of being told to “suck it up.”

And after complaining to her, she asked me “Well, what do you think God is trying to do through this situation?”

And I kind of just disregarded her question, because honestly, I just wanted to vent last night…

Fast forward to this afternoon: My knee on the opposite leg is sprained and they want to send me for an MRI in a week, and told me I should stay off my feet for a while, because obviously I already have the other leg to worry about.



This is not ok.

I do not have the time, nor the patience for this to be happening right now.

So now I’m asking:

God, what am I missing? Who are you trying to be for me in this moment? What are you trying to tell me? I promise, I’m listening!


Stop what?

Stop complaining.

Stop worrying.

Stop getting caught up in the busy work of life, and just sit with Me.

I literally can’t do anything but sit right now, God.

I know.

So, a little less Martha, a little more Mary?


I don’t know how to do that…

That’s why I’ve had to go to extreme measures…

…The Shepherd sometimes has to break a wandering lamb’s leg in order to teach it to stay close…

 Now do you see?

Did You have to be so literal?

Did you have to be so stubborn?



Here’s to 2015… a year that’s starting with me stopping… and listening… and learning… and Trusting The Shepherd.

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord







The Time In Between

Waiting is the worst. I like to think that I’m a patient person, but this past week has been a struggle. I feel like my brain and my faith have been playing a game of tug-o-war. It’s sad how quickly I can be so sure of God’s goodness one minute, and afraid of bad news from the doctor in the next.

I think the time we spend waiting on things is when we get into the most trouble. Like, when I’m really hungry between meals a big mac starts sounding like the most delicious thing in the world. Or when I’m waiting on my sister to get ready so we can go out together, I start over-applying my eyeliner until I look like a hooker. Bad decisions come in the in-between moments.

There’s a song by Francesca Battistelli called “Time in Between.” I included the link so you can listen to it and so I don’t have to break it down line by line for you. I’ll just touch on a couple things that I like about this song.

For one, I like how it starts off talking about the time between Jesus was born and the time He died on the cross. I think a lot of Christians forget about this time. Yes, it’s important to remember how He died to save us, but it’s also important to remember that He lived and walked on this earth the same as we do. He knows our struggles and He can feel our pain.

Another part that I liked in this song is when she talks about how easy it is to be robbed of our peace. Peace means nothing is broken and nothing is missing. So when we feel like we’re missing something, we give a foothold for the enemy to attack. There is no better time for satan to strike than when we are moving through a valley in life. That’s why it’s important to always be alert when things feel like they’re going pretty good. It’s in those moments when we feel the most betrayed by God because something happened and we want to know why… when the real reason why is that we weren’t looking.

The part in the last chorus really hit me It says, “It’s the time in between the middle of two thieves that says everything.” For me, it really does say everything. Jesus went to the cross to die in the most painful, disgraceful way imaginable just for me (ok, and you, too). That kind of love is unimaginable.

 My pastor often says, “Salvation isn’t just having the knowledge that you get to go to Heaven. Salvation is having everything that Heaven has here on earth.” I think it’s easy to forget that, even though some people recite the Lord’s prayer on a daily basis. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on EARTH as it is in Heaven…

Sometimes we don’t always see the big picture. Sometimes, the times while we’re waiting for a certain event to happen, we miss out on all the other things that God is doing. Sometimes, we’re like Esau. We give away our birthright for a bowl of soup while we’re hungry. If we could just see that time we spend waiting is making us stronger for the next trial,  or if we could just see that there’s a purpose for the things that happen to us. How many times have you gone through something, that while it was happening you thought you weren’t going to make it, but afterwards, you were thankful for it? I guess what I’m taking a long time to say is that we only know in part, but God knows everything. He’s got the foresight to know that things are happening so that we can get to the end goal. So even though I’m waiting on results from the doctor, I’m going to spend my time looking at God and holding onto His promises in the time in between.


 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

                                                     –1 Corinthians 13:12